Got this text last Sunday:
I would like to humbly protest that I took more convincing than this - but like, I literally did not. A singular text was all it took. I spent most of November constructing a winding Hamlet-themed personal essay that turned up unsurprisingly dark and incredibly boring. Instead of mind-numbing prose, I give you trite drivel.
So, I am proud to present the first official MädChen holiday gift guide! For you, my dear reader, I’ve reached out across the globe and asked for recs from the coolest tastemakers I know. Literally the chicest, most stylish, esoteric, main character girlies (and a singular non-binary individual, because above all, I am a #ally), to ask them what’s on their non-denominational present wishlists this year. Without further postulation, here’s what they think you should get your loved ones for the holidays:
BELLA ATFIELD
Bella and I met through her twin sister Amalie - we had one frenetic conversation about Lee McQueen’s graduate collection outside a cafe earlier this year and I just knew. My parasocial internet girl crush. Your new favourite It-Girl-In-Waiting. The only person who can out-fashion-reference me. She was the first friend I thought about asking to do this - presents for your most Wong-Car Wai, au courant, finger-on-the-pulse friends that never make you feel bad about your lack of cultural knowledge.
The Julia Fox Vibrator
I kind of just need this. Like, as previously discussed with our slayest editor, never before have I seen vibrators marketed to a consumer by a cunty telemarketer, as if they’re selling timeshares, not mechanical orgasms. I would like to think that my sexually liberated corporate lawyer bestie, who wears vintage Aquascutum overcoats and black Mugler blazers (which are shockingly cheap online, no jokes. This is a tangent, but I saw a zip up constructed skirt and jacket in a divine grey going for £60 on eBay the other day and, when I say - you’re lucky that it wasn’t my size, because I would have been drop dead insufferable if it fit), would give this to me, with a bow on top in January as a late Christmas present, because she would recognise the stress wrinkles forming on my forehead.
A Ben Cho Horsehair Top - Those Who Know Know
What would be the most grailed object to ever grail, Ben Cho’s iconic handmade horsehair weave tops are few and far between. Burned out by the late 2000s, Ben Cho’s fringe collection was his breakthrough, hugely inspired by his side hustle as a make up and hair stylist while at Parsons. As seen on Jennifer Lopez and eternal cool girl Devon Aoki, I want to wear this while I serve as niche fashion arm candy to my New York art curator girlfriend at the gallery opening of an pseudo-underground performance artist. This would be my stretch gift.
History Meets Fashion Corset Dress/Top
Think Olivier Theyskens 1998 FW collection, to Alek in Betsey Johnson FW 1997, something in me gags whenever I see something giving historic wench. I want jeans, ballet flats, and highland medieval mystery on my day-to-day, sweeping through Sainsbury’s in floor length velvet. This effect could be achieved through a velvet button up jacket or a military-esque coat with scallopets.
AirBnB Stay in Derek Jarman’s House
Nestled in Dungeness Kent, I want to have existential breakdowns about logic in Derek Jarman’s sexy ass house. I would expect this from my oboist situationship, who would sit on the stoop as I pick edible flowers from the garden to decorate the French omelettes he will make as I sit by the fire knitting his scarf. In this fantasy, I have perfectly curly hair and speak softly and lightly.
Tickets to the Dita Von Teese GLAMONATRIX Tour
I’m literally inextricably upset that I didn’t see this show when it was performed at the Bristol Hippodrome, so I would need my very kind, giving, and loving friends to buy me tickets to her Las Vegas residency. I need to see the Louboutin’s in person; I need to see the curtain come down like it does in The Great Ziegfeld, I need to see the classic car roll across stage; and I need to see all the feather boas. I feel in my soul that this would be my walk into the desert, and that I would return from America a woman.
EMILIA HUENES
Ema is the closest person to a socialite that I will ever know. Zipping from California to New York, her sisters rub shoulders with Julia Fox and her mother’s a frequent Chanel show attendee. Imagine if Paris Hilton studied at Edinburgh and wrote the most haunting poetry you’d ever read. Present suggestions for your homebody trad wife friends who swear they’re a feminist, like, for sure, they’re just really passionate about baking.
While this may seem like a strange gift to get someone, everyone who spends a good amount of time in the kitchen, knows a home cook needs two types of olive oil. The kind that you cook with (which doesn’t need to be expensive), and the kinds that you dress a salad with (which should absolutely be high quality and unrefined). If you have a friend who really enjoys cooking, rather than showing up with a bottle of wine like everyone else- bring them a bottle of Laudemio olive oil. Besides its beautiful packaging, Laudemio olive oil will truly will elevate any dressing you use it in. It is the perfect gift for anyone who believes that high quality ingredients are worth splurging on.
The holiday season for me means one thing: a string of dinner parties beginning in November that doesn’t begin to slow down until well into January. Those naturally gifted at hosting dinner parties are overrun with cooking, cleaning, and perhaps the most important part of any dinner party- setting a beautiful table. These Indian block print tablecloths from Ian Snow are the perfect gift for the impossibly chic hostess. These tablecloths both bring a pop of color and fun to any dinner, and prove to be extremely practical gifts. As the holiday season goes on it is inevitable that a tablecloth or two will be ruined by spilled wine or messy eaters. If you want to give someone a gift that they will get lots of use of then look no further.
ROSE FOX
Rose is lowkey cancelled at the moment, because she’s in Montreal having the chicest year abroad I’ve ever seen. One of the best things that came from one of the one of the worst years of my life - those female friendships where if you think about the kindred spirit the two of you share everyone ends up getting a bit teary-eyed, so mostly you just roll your eyes and try not to miss her too much. Present suggestions for insanely well-read friends with insanely well-sourced wardrobes.
I used to have but then had to sack off for obvious financial reasons because who’s pretentious enough to pay that fee for themselves monthly BUT much less pretentious and affected to have ones’s loved ones buy it for them.
Cashmere
Anything cashmere, could be pants, I truly wouldn’t care. That shit feels incredible. Send it my way.
A locket with hair inside it
Doesn’t have to be yours. Could be a pube but that would be seriously odd. Thinking of putting my dogs hair in one.
Heat tech
This one’s Canadia-oriented sorry not sorry. Genuine wizardry and convinced the reason I don’t get how it works is because I never did Chemistry GCSE. STEM girlies stay eating/artificially warm.
SONJA BELKIN
Sonja, credit where credit is due, was the one behind the text asking for this post. A very old friend from times that neither of us are comfortable disclosing in a public forum. Trust and believe we are both trauma-bonded to an insane degree. Scarily sharp and profoundly brilliant - having a conversation with her is sometimes like playing 5D chess. The presents to get the friend of yours who really should have a podcast, but refuses because they’re just too cool to give out hot takes for free.
A Recipe Book
With the theme of their favourite cuisine, with bookmarks on the recipes you think they’d particularly like or that you want to make together. I’m a big fan of gifts which are meaningful, but as a person who should not be allowed near creative endeavours, it can be hard to find something that shows my love in a personal way, without resorting to the terrifying prospect of arts and crafts. for bonus points, make sure it’s a cookbook with short lists of ingredients: one of the biggest barriers to trying new recipes, especially as a student, is the need to buy a litany of items you cannot think of anything else to do with. [that said, to address this issue, you could also buy them the flavour thesaurus]
As I’m also a big foodie, I cant forego this opportunity to include a less budget option (though can be split with friends): a voucher for a tasting menu. The Guardian and Reddit both have great lists of cheap (i.e. below £50) tasting menus in London – and Six by Nico is currently doing a ‘trust experience’ (somewhat gimmicky but ten courses for 55£ is a steal)
2. Blank [Activity] Cheque
Not original to me – in fact, was a gift to me from a friend – this is a great idea for a person you like to do adventurous things with, as it gives them the space to be a bit wild. for my part, i opted to force both of us into a flying trapeze class. Petrifying, sure, but also exhilarating – and something I’m not sure I would ever have otherwise done.
An alternative version for those more in tune with ~the culture~ is to plan a day out: maybe an exhibit, a film screening, a concert. I’d go for the more indie things – they tend to be cheaper, but also more likely to be memorable – especially if they are bizarre/inventive/…avant garde? The camden people’s theatre is great for this: this summer, for only £7, I got to experience a pseudo-drag act, where a woman (who was ostensibly going to talk about her experience growing up in her grandmother’s brothel in the ussr) transformed into an ‘elon must’ persona, a depraved individual who massaged lube into their hair and mimed masturbating while violating the audience with detailed descriptions of how they would fuck us (complete with eye contact). So camp!
A Substack Subscription
Listen, I love being gifted books. It’s sweet, heartfelt etc. etc… the thing is that it’ll take me years to read. For those who mourn their status as readers & haven’t fulfilled their Goodreads challenge since uni began, a gifted Substack subscription can be just the thing to remind them of their past glory. Especially if you’re introducing them to a new writer, this can be a thought-provoking present, without being daunting. For some slightly more under-the-radar picks (i.e. not rayne, love her as i do): bookbear express, do not research, evil female, rose lyddon, maybe baby, mental hellth, who knows?
Similarly, a subscription to patreon for a podcast lover is always a safe move (can someone PLEASE buy me binchtopia godly wife status?)
YINKA SHOKUNBI
Yinka and I met in an acting course where we had to stand opposite one another and recite a monologue into each other’s eyes, in front of an audience, having never rehearsed it before - which was, like, one of the weirder things that I’ve done. It’s probably weirder that we ended up friends after. Sometimes she invites me to a show that she’s in and her talent blows my mind. One of the best close friends stories of all time, so you should all DM her and ask to be added. Presents for your most popular friends - Yinka is beloved by all.
A Glueless Wig
A gift that everyone needs is a glueless wig. I am tired of constantly sticking my hair, melting it and the melt band on my head that is so tight it’s created a second heartbeat of its own. A glueless wig is convenient and I believe would be useful to anyone.
It’s time we start smelling rich. I think before clothes is scent. To look rich you need to start smelling it. Smell comes before sight so get your smell together. Oh and I would even say mens deodorant is better than womens. Kayali - Red apple - fragrance notes - tempting, mouth-watering fusion of crisp and juicy red apples, sweet berries and fresh floral notes that will keep you wanting more and more!
I am tired of asking people for my pics that they took on their phone/ camera and waiting 5 -10 business days for them to send it. So it’s time to invest. And what better way to do this than getting your own camcorder where you can create montages and stills of yourself. Your own life played out in a film.
NOA LUNA CARRERAS
Noa’s a philosophy student at NYU, so just let that sink in. The first day we met I told her by the end of the three weeks we spent together we’d either be best friends or want to kill each other. I’m still not sure on either. The most insane goth eyeliner. The sweetest most sensitive person you will ever meet. Self-described as ‘queer in theory, but lesbian in practice.’ Presents for your friends who keep inviting you over to spark up and discuss ethical non-monogamy.
Imagine this - it’s day 5,754 of late-stage capitalism flavored wage slavery. Between your first job poisoning puppies to drain and sell the essence of youth as a gluten-free sugar substitute, your second job queerbaiting troubled women with anxious-avoidant attachment styles, and your third job bagging groceries at Trader Joe’s, you haven’t seen the real sun in the last 7 years. In fact, you’ve forgotten what it looks like entirely. Somehow this doesn’t bother you. 5 years ago that guy who you thought was named Josèphe but is definitely not named Josèphe gave you a sunrise alarm clock. Now your 17 daily micro naps end with the soft kiss of somewhat-sunlight. You remember remembering what happiness feels like.
Taking Them Out for a Nice Dinner
I haven’t seen my dear friends in 2 months. I haven’t spoken to them in 3. Facebook marketplace has enough ammo, and everything I own is slowly giving me cancer. All I want is a night to eat good food and drink too much and listen to you talk about why your last 3 relationships failed - my treat.
COCOA WAGNER
At some point on this list, we needed a North London It Girl, and Cocoa Wagner more than fits the bill. Two years into her engineering degree she dropped out of school to pursue a career in film in one of the most girlboss moves of all time. I once roped her into doing makeup for a photoshoot because she has one of the best aesthetics (read: instagrams) I’ve ever seen. Presents for your friend who has everything you want, so you wouldn’t even know where to begin to find them something they haven’t already saved on Pinterest.
So first up I am quite literally obsessed with every time from dreamers rebels but in PARTICULAR their one-off ruffle coats and raincoats. Because you could be wearing the most boring plain outfit but with this coat on top hello??? Fashion icon. (I also love their tops and blouses, if you want to live out your 1950s prairie girl fantasy then you’re in the right place)
As a coffee addict of course I am going to suggest the cutest handmade ceramic mugs by The Mud Fairy. Like these are adorable. Would make the perfect container for a cheeky late night hot choc or just a morning everyday Americano.
Maybe it’s just the corporate millennial in me but quite honestly I feel like popping my laptop in these ribbon bags before my morning commute to work WOULD be free therapy. Probably would cure the uni blues too.
Martini Olives Hoops from Lisa Says Gah!
Again…. anything from this store would be huge but especially these olive earrings. I don’t even have my ears pierced but might honestly may have to reevaluate my life choices after seeing these. Yeah I’m an olive girly for life. Sue me!!!
Handmade Crotchet Scrunchies
Ok this ones a personal favourite…. Handmade crotchet scrunchies. Let’s be real if you are not about to drop £50 on a Good Squish (although tempting) this is the next best alternative. I have been making these non stop and they are super easy & quick to do - even if you can’t crotchet yet these are probably the best way to learn. And they are adorbs
JEANNE RÉVÉREND
I wrote a monologue co-opted out of a late-night notes app foray, and Jeanne did this insane thing where she performed it and made it sound new and brilliant in a way that I didn’t really understand. You can tell she’s a Parisian just by looking at her - so incredibly stylish-French-girl-cool it’s violently unfair. When she crashed at my flat for a few days this summer she gave me an oil pastel painting that her Grandmother had done as a thank-you. Like, you’re kidding. Presents for your friends who are artists in every sense of the word.
Handmade Jewellery
I made last year for my cousin, she’s fan of Shrek so I made her jewelleries with Shrek toys. Idk if it’s fun but that’s a v funny creative process at least (and funny gift, I hope! lol)
ABBY WITCHALLS
Abby’s studying to become a professional clown in Paris. I don’t really know if there’s any other contextual information that I can provide. The most well-connected person I know. My biggest hater (keeps me grounded). Did a stand-up gig where they solely mimed and did not speak a word throughout the entire set. Was maybe one of the funniest things that I’ve ever seen. Presents for the NLL’s* in your life.
A Trip to Ikea
A trip to ikea with the soul purpose of buying scandinavian christmas snacks. I live with two Norwegians and I’m so into it. This shit should be state mandated. I’ve tasted the Gifflar and there’s no going back.
Forgiveness from my Driving Instructor
Forgiveness from my driving instructor who I ghosted many moons ago. Erkins, you are missed, but I physically cannot be given power over my own destinations.
Shit to Put On My Walls
Bedroom is currently giving solitary confinement and not in a healing way
Personalised Insult
I truly believe that a well-crafted, thoughtful, personalised insult is the best gift one can give. I read the people I love the most with an extreme attention to detail and I don’t trust people who wouldn’t read me. It’s my only love language and a good way to test the wits of those around you. Keep on your toes this holiday season xx
ELLIANA CRAIG
Yeah, I added my recs at the end. Shut up. Whatever. Gotta make this about myself somehow.
SELFRIDGES SALE
The way I talk about this shop you’d think I was being paid, but seriously - an experience everyone should go through. End of every season, post up and change your life. Surprisingly good curation (nothing Dover-Street-level-niche), but hits the spot more often than not. Discounts go crazy, pieces are only left in one size - so perfect for delusional girls like me who truly believe that if it fits, it must have been a sign from the fashion gods. An in-person, tactile experience to share only with your most fabulous friends.
POSH PYJAMAS
Everyone needs a chic pair of pyjamas for sleepovers/lovers/zoom meetings/electrician visits. I’ve loved these Damson Madder ones for months, but they are tragically sold out, so my new hyperfixation are these from DreamersRebels. Fully believe if Holly Golightly had been wearing these instead of her draped dress shirt, she would’ve never let that flop into her apartment.
Swear down, top of the charts for the best present of all time. The present for your most intimate lover. The present for your most mutual acquaintance. Oh, the joy, the horror - the blank page! The best present I’ve ever gotten was an engraved pocket notebook from Darcey for my 18th birthday. I’ve been carrying it everywhere with me since (I’m on the final page of it two years later and dragging out finishing it because it will be too emotional of a goodbye). You don’t have to get a super expensive Moleskine one, as long as you can fit it in your jacket, it fits the bill.
AN OVERALL WEIRD AND OFF-PUTTING VIBE
I’ve taken a long, hard look in the mirror this winter and have come to the conclusion, that maybe, actually, I just need to shut the fuck up. Women who say nothing can’t be made fun of for being stupid, only for being weird and off-putting. I want to be weird and off-putting so desperately. For Christmas this year, you can tell me to shut the fuck up whenever I open my mouth. Thank you and goodnight.
*Notorious London Lesbians
BONUS RECS
Bella wanted to add:
Sonja wanted to add:
Flowers!!! its considered cliché but how many times have you actually been given a nice floral arrangement
Personalised shot glasses or a nice ceramic teapot, especially good for flatmates
For friends at different unis/ studying abroad, nothing is better than a lengthy email update